Thanatos and Oizys

I was just going through Arash’s wonderful blog, and came across this one:

Arash's World: Thanatos, Schadenfreude and the Self-destructive and Dark Side of the Mind

“…known as Thanatos, the drive for death and self-destruction.”

Finally! A name for it! I’ve long fought with self-destructive “voice-thoughts” in my head, not knowing what to call them exactly, as they are inside my mind as opposed to coming from an external source (like a thought), but I have no control over them (like some else’s voice); all I can do is try to argue with them, or yell, or keep busy and ignore them, etc.

But now I learn of Thanatos. This sounds much like one of my “voice-thoughts”.

I went to Wikipedia’s entry on Thanatos and learned that the word was named after a Greek deity.

“… Thanatos prefers to end it all with death, the equalizer, the dark force, the state of constant peace, calm and rest.”

It’s sometimes like this, although my Thanatos seems to want me to kill myself more often because I’m wicked and don’t deserve to live, or because it would ease the suffering of my loved ones, if they did not have to deal with me.

“The voice becomes most adamant when things are going really well reminding us that we are all walking a thin, mortal line, while misfortune and death may be just around the bend.”

This pessimism and paranoia can be overwhelming, but I try to use it as a remind that we need to value what time we have, myself.

This has also led me to a name for the other, primary “voice-thought” I have, the one that tells me I’m worthless, that everyone hates me, etc., etc. I believe that Oizys, after the Greek goddess of distress, anxiety, and worry (her Latin name is where the word “misery” comes from) is better than “the berating voice-thought”.

There is one other “voice-thought”, the least active one that is smothered by the others: Right now, I call it Hope. It’s the one that, at the last minute when I’m hurting myself or attempting to overdose, usually gets me to get help, or manages to sabotage the attempt in some subtle way that Thanatos and Oizys don’t realize.