Thursday, December 9, 2010

Book: Deathbird Stories

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I picked up an old book of mine, <i>Deathbird Stories</i>, by Harlan Ellison.  Rereading the shortstory of the same name of the book, I found several interesting thoughts.

As the introduction sums it up:
“Advancing the theory that the snake was the good guy and, since God wrote the PR release, Old Snake simply got a lot of bad press.”
It begins when two alien parties- whom you understand to be snake-beings (referred to as Coils and Fangs) and GOD (who is quite mad) contest leadership of Earth.  Another group arbitrates, and gives control to GOD.  The snake-beings are allowed to leave behind one of their kind as a caretaker; however, he is not allowed to defend himself against any slurs or legends, and could only take action if it became apparent that GOD had betrayed his trust.  They choose one known as Dira. 

Before they leave, they give Dira a message: 
“<i>We have only one gift to leave them,</i> he said.  <i>Wisdom.  This mad one will come, and he will lie to them and will tell them: created he them.  And we will be gone, and there will be nothing between them and the mad one but you.  Only you can give them the wisdom to defeat him in their own good time.</i>”
As the story goes on, time passes.  Dira takes the main character, a human named Nathan Stack, and buries him, in a sort of status, for a quarter of a million years, as the earth recovers from the ravages of humanity.  Waking Nathan, Dira helps him journey to God, and to regain his memories, not of just his life as Nathan, but all his previous ones, all the way back to his first: when he lived as Adam.

Upon reaching God’s location, God inflicts derangements upon him, hoping to drive him away.  Nathan endures, and, in the process of enduring the suffering, comes to realize, with the help of Dira, that mankind was for whom earth was meant to be for, that man was just as powerful as God.  However, this happens too late, and the Earth dies.

I find this story to be eye-opening and freeing.  To me, the message is: “Don’t believe all the hype: believe in yourself and what you learn and feel to be true.”

There are a handful of other interesting points this story makes.

At one point, Nathan is asking Dira who he is.
“But <i>am</i> I still Nathan Stack?”
“You always were.  You had many other names, many other bodies, but the spark was always yours… You were always on your way to being who you are.”
I love the idea of reincarnation; that there is something our lives are leading us to, that we are on a journey to… somewhere.

At several points the story asks “what is the best example of love?”  Could it be helping another being to survive, to remember what they need to, to overcome adversary?  Could it be that of a husband for a wife, or a mother for a child?  In one flashback, Nathan administers, at her request, an overdose of painkiller to his mother, who is dying of cancer.  Helping people you like, putting up with their flaws, those are fairly easy.  Self-sacrifice- giving up what you want, your time, or even your life- can be difficult, but often gives us a feeling of superiority.  Even the thought of killing to save loved ones is within comprehension.  But taking the life of a loved one out of love- or merely letting them die- requires courage to take an action, letting go of one you love and need- is something most are incapable of.

There are also points in the book were Ellison inserts questions, as if a teacher were assigning paperwork to students reading the story.  There are two that speak for thoughts I’ve had for awhile.
“If God created everything, why did he create problems for himself by creating a serpent who would lead his creations astray?  Why did God create a tree he did not want Adam and Eve to know about, and then go out of his way to warn them against it?”
To me, it’s a cruel test, a taunt.  It’s as if he set them up to fail, as if he wanted them to.  Just think of what happens if you tell your young child “Don’t touch these cookies I’m going to leave on the counter within reach while I leave the room for awhile”.
“God grew angry when he found out he had been defied.  If God is omnipotent and omniscient, didn’t he know?  Why couldn’t he find Adam and Eve when they hid?”
I think this is a good point, and the only answer I can think of is that he was either playing out a script, a game; or that he must not be omnipotent or omniscient.  Perhaps the <i>real</i> reason he got angry was because they weren’t playing the way he wanted to and he was unsure how to react, or perhaps he was afraid they would catch on to the fact that omni-potency/omniscience was just an act.

Movie: Ink

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I stumbled on this movie on hulu.com the other week, shortly after I got out of the hospital. It’s a sci-fi/action film by a small group in Colorado, actually not far from where I live.

It’s rather low budget: the fight scenes are rather jumpy, but I thought they did a pretty good job with them anyways. The filming itself is… odd, I’m not sure how. A bit bright in parts, fuzzy I guess. I liked it though, rather made it seem dream-like. The plot is rather confusing: they throw you into it, and only explain things as you go along.

In the film, there is the world, and there is the dreamworld. When people go to sleep, Storytellers and Incubi (types of spirits of the dead) come and give dreams and nightmares respectively. From the dreamworld comes Ink, who kidnaps a young girl to give as a sacrifice to the Incubi in hopes of becoming one of them. Storytellers set out to save the girl, but they must also save her father in the waking world.

The film is sad, even painful as you watch the father’s down-spiraling, but eventually you realize what the film is actually about: family, love, hope and second chances. I gotta say, having just gotten over a suicide attempt, and still feeling very melancholy and hopeless, this movie made me feel… well, hope.

You can watch it here.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Thanatos and Oizys

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I was just going through Arash’s wonderful blog, and came across this one:

Arash's World: Thanatos, Schadenfreude and the Self-destructive and Dark Side of the Mind

“…known as Thanatos, the drive for death and self-destruction.”
Finally! A name for it! I’ve long fought with self-destructive “voice-thoughts” in my head, not knowing what to call them exactly, as they are inside my mind as opposed to coming from an external source (like a thought), but I have no control over them (like some else’s voice); all I can do is try to argue with them, or yell, or keep busy and ignore them, etc.

But now I learn of Thanatos. This sounds much like one of my “voice-thoughts”.

I went to Wikipedia’s entry on Thanatos and learned that the word was named after a Greek deity.
“… Thanatos prefers to end it all with death, the equalizer, the dark force, the state of constant peace, calm and rest.”
It’s sometimes like this, although my Thanatos seems to want me to kill myself more often because I’m wicked and don’t deserve to live, or because it would ease the suffering of my loved ones, if they did not have to deal with me.

“The voice becomes most adamant when things are going really well reminding us that we are all walking a thin, mortal line, while misfortune and death may be just around the bend.”
This pessimism and paranoia can be overwhelming, but I try to use it as a remind that we need to value what time we have, myself.

This has also led me to a name for the other, primary “voice-thought” I have, the one that tells me I’m worthless, that everyone hates me, etc., etc. I believe that Oizys, after the Greek goddess of distress, anxiety, and worry (her Latin name is where the word “misery” comes from) is better than “the berating voice-thought”.

There is one other “voice-thought”, the least active one that is smothered by the others: Right now, I call it Hope. It’s the one that, at the last minute when I’m hurting myself or attempting to overdose, usually gets me to get help, or manages to sabotage the attempt in some subtle way that Thanatos and Oizys don’t realize.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Article: Meditation Quick to Grant Improvements

Dylan DeLosAngeles, an Australian neuroscientist, recently did a study that shows that after only five days of 20 minute meditations, a variety of significant improvements had shown in subjects.
"...showed greater improvement in conflict scores on the Attention Network Test, lower anxiety, depression, anger, and fatigue, and higher vigor on the Profile of Mood States scale, a significant decrease in stress-related cortisol, and an increase in immunoreactivity."
My Thoughts: More good news!  Sorry to be on the same subject so much right now, but I love this stuff!

Any Thoughts?

http://www.mindupdate.com/?p=80

Article: Meditation Decreases Attentional Blinks

(Note: This is from an older article, in 2007, but still quite fascinating.)

A study at the University of Wisconsin shows that meditation decreases the attentional blink, or the inability of people to tell closely spaced visual subjects apart.  It also results in decreased habituation, or the tendency of the mind to give progressively weaker responses to sensory stimuli.
“To understand these phenomena let us imagine that a person who is reading quietly is suddenly disturbed by a loud noise. If the same sound is then repeated with a few seconds later his attention will again be diverted, only not as strongly nor for as long a time. If the sound is then repeated at regular intervals, the person will continue reading and become oblivious to the sound. A normal subject with closed eyes produces alpha waves on an EEG tracing. An auditory stimulation, such as a loud noise normally obliterates alpha waves for seven seconds or more; this is termed alpha blocking. In a Zen master the alpha blocking produced by the first noise lasts only two seconds. If the noise is repeated at 15 second intervals, we find that in the normal subject there is virtually no alpha blocking remaining by the fifth successive noise. This diminution of alpha blocking is termed habituation and persists in normal subjects for as long as the noise continues at regular and frequent intervals. In the Zen master, however, no habituation is seen. His alpha blocking lasts two seconds with the first sound, two seconds with the fifth sound, and two seconds with the twentieth sound. This implies that the Zen master has a greater awareness of his environment as the paradoxical result of meditative concentration.”

They also mention that meditation might become a common place treatment for ADD/ADHD, and that people might be able to train themselves for certain mental characteristics, such as happiness or other emotions.
 

My Thoughts: I love that science is now catching up with Eastern thought.  We used to use meditation and yoga to treat our youngest son, Avery, of his ADHD; it was the best thing we had found until we finally tried medication.  I think I'm going to be trying meditation again, though: the increasing brain strength won't hurt at all.

Any Thoughts?

http://www.mindupdate.com/?p=52

Article: Neurosci Savvy Kids Smarter

A study by Carol Dweck of Stanford University showed the effect of belief on school performance.  It illustrated that children who were taught that neural connections could be formed to increase intelligence did better than those who were taught good study habits but nothing of brain plasticity.

My thoughts: This sounds like a wonderful way to help kids improve at schoolwork.  I'm going to work with my kids with it.  Also, in trying to learn more, I've found that Carol Dweck has a program for Middle and High School students (http://www.brainology.us/).  I'm hoping to check this out as well.

Any thoughts?

http://www.mindupdate.com/?p=89

Article: The Neuroscience of Meditation

In a study at New York University, Zoran Josipovic and David Heeger are studying monks at meditation for use with treating brain disorders such as stress, depression, autism, Alzheimer's, and more.

The monks, who practice a nondual form of Tibetan Buddhist meditation, are able to focus on themselves, external influences, or both simultaneously.  The study has them put into a functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI) machine,  where they are able to switch focuses on command, thus helping create a "map" of the "default network" of the brain.  This "default network" is the area that shows strange behavior in brain disorder patients when they are not doing any particular tests; Josipovic and Heeger think it might be associated with internal thoughts.

My Thoughts: I think this is great news, although I doubt it will be that easy. 

Any Thoughts?
 

Article: Moral Transformation

Kurt Gray, a doctorial student in psychology at Harvard, has just completed in April a study on the effects of moral actions and standing on strength of body and mind.

In one part, people were asked to either donate $1 to charity or spend it and then hold a 5lb bag; those who donated were able to hold the bag on average 10 seconds longer.

Similar results were found in people asked to perform or think on evil acts.
“People perceive those who do good and evil to have more efficacy, more willpower, and less sensitivity to discomfort. “By perceiving themselves as good or evil, people embody these perceptions, actually becoming more capable of physical endurance.”
My thoughts: I think that people gain the inner fortitude from, in part, being part of something bigger than themselves.  Good and evil are ties that bind them to others everywhere, and that connection can give strength.

Any thoughts?

http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2010/04/strength-in-naughty-or-nice/

Article: Can't Buy Love, But Can Give Away Happiness

(Note: This is from an older article, in 2008, but still quite fascinating.)

Michael Norton, assistant professor of business administration in the marketing unit at the Harvard Business School, completed a study on which made people happier: having money, wishing they had money, or giving it away.  While having money and buying material possessions for themselves gave a short lasted happiness, it was the last that gave the most benefit.
"We found that people who spent the money on themselves that day weren’t happier that evening, but people who spent it on others were. The amount of money, $5 or $20, didn’t matter at all. It was only how people spent it that made them happier.”
My thoughts: This shows that happiness is contagious- the giver gets it from the receiver.  Also, the giver will get some of the "moral fortitude strength" mentioned in another article.  All in all, no downside here.

Any thoughts?
 

Article: Knowing Me, Knowing You

(Note: This is from an older article, in 2008, but still quite fascinating.)

A study completed at Harvard, led by Adrianna Jenkins, a graduate student in the Department of Psychology, shows that, when asked to make suppositions about people similar to themselves, tend to be quite accurate when they draw upon their own opinions and experiences.  When asked about people dissimilar to themselves, they had no basis for thoughts, and tended to be incorrect.
“Our research helps to explain how and when people draw on their own inner experiences to make inferences about the experiences of others. “The findings suggest that the part of the brain that is responsible for introspection also helps us to understand what other people might be thinking or feeling. But this primarily seems to be the case for people who we perceive to be similar to ourselves.”
My Thoughts:  It's nice to read the science-babble details, but who didn't know empathy helps?

Any Thoughts?

http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2008/03/study-know-thyself-and-you%e2%80%99ll-know-others-better/

Article: Meditation Helps Increase Grey Matter

(Note: This is from an older article, in 2006, but still quite fascinating.)

Brain scans show those who practice Insight Meditation an average of 40 minutes a day have thicker layers of the human cortex, a part of the brain that deals with attention and processing sensory input, as they get older, a region that usually thins with age.
"This practice helps reduce random thoughts, as people focus upon- not necessarily concentrating hard- whatever they hear or see."
My thoughts: I've always found Insight Meditation to be a fun and calming exercise.  It relaxes me and helps me slow down, reducing stress, without trying to get me to "clear out everything", something I find impossible.

Any thoughts?

http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2006/01/meditation-found-to-increase-brain-size-2/

Info: Memory

WHAT IS MEMORY?
In a nutshell, memory is the ability to store and recall facts and the events of our lives.  There are three types of memory:
SENSORY MEMORY- This type of memory, outside of our conscious control, operates within an extremely fast time frame (less than two seconds) and is very short lived.  It refers to items detected by the senses- hearing, sight, and so forth.  There is a large capacity for unprocessed information, but we are only able to process a small amount of it.
SHORT TERM MEMORY- This type of memory allows one to recall, without memorization, a number of facts (usually five or five) for several seconds to a minute.  "Chunking", or grouping numbers or facts into groups of three, allows one to remember more facts.  It relies more on audial input than visual input, although trying to remember words that sound the same ("dog", "hog", "fog", etc.) tends to confuse us.
LONG TERM MEMORY- This type of memory lasts from a few days to a number of years, even decades.  Short term memory becomes long term memory through connection with other important information and through repetition.  This can occur naturally through reflection and usage, or deliberate recollection and repetition.  Information that is perceived to be important is often easier to remember.

HOW DOES MEMORY WORK?
Memory is a very complicated activity, one that I admit I don't understand fully. I'll try to explain what I do, and I think I'll skip all of the chemistry and neurology and large words that one can't pronounce.  When it comes down to it, memory takes place in three stages:
STAGE ONE- Encoding.  You take in the information through your senses, entering it into SENSORY MEMORY.
STAGE TWO- Consolidation.  Your brain takes the information, encodes it, processes it, and stores it, usually in SHORT TERM MEMORY. 
STAGE THREE- Retrieval.  This is when a person recalls the information.  After many uses of the memory, or practice memorizing it, it can enter into LONG TERM MEMORY.

SYMPTOMS OF MEMORY LOSS
Symptoms of memory loss may include: the inability to remember events, memory that gets worse over time, confusion, irritability, and difficulty completing tasks.

CAUSES OF MEMORY LOSS
MENTAL AILMENTS- Anxiety, Attention Deficient Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), depression, stress.
METABOLIC DISEASES- Diabetes, thyroid gland diseases, and lung, liver, or kidney failure.
NEURODEGENERATIVE DISEASES- There are many, most prevalent being Alzheimer's Disease, Dementia, Huntington's Disease, Multiple Sclerosis, Parkinson's Disease, and Schizophrenia. None act specifically on memory; instead memory loss is often a casualty of generalized neuronal deterioration. Currently, these illnesses are irreversible, but research into stem cells, psychopharmacology, and genetic engineering holds much promise.
TOXINS- Alcohol, drugs (both prescription and over-the-counter) and other toxins can lead to free radicals, and overexposure to them may cause blackouts and memory lapses.
TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY- Damage to the brain can cause parts of it to stop functioning, inhibiting the ability to use it to remember things properly.  When a patient, known as "HM", had brain tissue removed in an attempt to cure his epilepsy, he suffered anterograde and retrograde amnesia, providing the first evidence to scientists of the localization of memory function.
NUTRIENT DEFICIENCY-  Just like the rest of our body, the brain needs certain nutrients, such as B vitamins and amino acids.  If it gets too much cholesterol and triglycerides, it doesn't get enough blood and nutrients.  When our memory goes blank, it may be the brain calling out for nutrients that will support the neurotransmitters it needs.

WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR MEMORY
HEALTY DIET- Eat a balanced diet and drink plenty of water.  Keep calorie intake moderate.  Make sure it's rich in antioxidant-rich fruits and vegetables.  Take a vitamin/multivitamin.
MENTAL ACTIVITY- Challenge yourself by doing brain teasers, learning new things and reading.
NAP- Get plenty of rest.  Fatigue can affect the concentration and memory of people of any age.
REDUCE TOXINS- Don't smoke or use tobacco products.  Use alcohol in moderation.  If in doubt about a drug, talk to your doctor or pharmacist before using it.
SLOW DOWN- Forgetfulness may indicate that you have too much on your mind.  Slow down, focus your attention on one thing, the task at hand.
STAY ACTIVE-  Exercise regularly, and try to participate in social activities.
STAY SAFE- Avoid head trauma by wearing seat belts in cars and helmets on bicycles and motorcycles.  Avoid such activities as boxing that have a high risk of head injuries. 
STRESS REDUCTION- Stress can impair memory and put the areas of the brain involved with memory processing at risk.  Try meditation, yoga, and other relaxing activities.
STRUCTURE YOUR LIFE- Use alarm clocks and calendars, lists and notes, and keep a schedule.  Have one location, like a table by the door, that you store items you have a tendency to loose, like your wallet or purse, cellular phone, keys, etc.  Park your car in the same place at the office.
THERAPY- Problems such as depression, grief, and loneliness can affect your memory and more.  In many cases, talking with a therapist can help.

OTHER MEMORY-RELATED CONDITIONS
ANOMIA (aka NOMINAL APHASIA)- Those with this condition have suffered damage to the frontal and parietal lobes of the brain, causing them to experience TIP-OF-THE-TONGUE PHENOMENON (where one can almost recall the word they are trying to describe) on an ongoing basis.
KORSAKOFF'S SYNDROME (aka KORSAKOFF'S PSYCHOSIS or AMNESIC-CONFABULATORY SYNDROME)- This is an organic disease that affects memory.
HYPERTHYMESIA (aka HYPERTHYMESIC SYNDROME)- Those affected by this disorder cannot forget small details that otherwise would not be stored in their memory.

MEMORY TEST
There is a neat test to see how your memory is at the following site: http://www.memorylossonline.com/learning_memory/mem_games/verbaltest1.html

http://www.webmd.com/healthy-aging/guide/is-your-memory-normal
http://www.suddenmemoryloss.com/
http://www.healthynewage.com/memory.html
http://www.memorylossonline.com/index.htm
http://www.ilcusa.org/media/pdfs/isoa.pdf

Info: Mental Health

WHAT ARE MENTAL ILLNESSES?
A mental illness is usually caused by an extremely traumatic event or a chemical imbalance in the brain.  Like heart disease or diabetes, it is a sickness, a physical illness, that the victim has little control over and no choice in suffering from.
There are things that a person can do to soften the impact: reduce stress, participate in therapy (both with a therapist or counselor and with a psychiatrist), take medication, and stay away from objects or events that trigger their problems.

The recognition and understanding of mental disorders have changed over time and across cultures. Definitions, assessments, and classifications of mental disorders can vary, but guideline criteria listed in the ICD, DSM and other manuals are widely accepted by mental health professionals. In the U.S., mental disorders are diagnosed based on the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition (DSM-IV). Categories of diagnoses in these schemes may include dissociate disorders, mood disorders, anxiety disorders, psychotic disorders, eating disorders, developmental disorders, personality disorders, and many other categories.

CAUSES OF MENTAL ILLNESS There are a wide variety of causes, but they include: genetics, early childhood development, drug use, disease and injury, changes in brain chemistry or neurotransmitters, psychological trauma, life experiences, society, and culture.

TYPES OF MENTAL ILLNESSES
ANXIETY DISORDERS-  This includes PANIC DISORDER, PHOBIAS, OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER (OCD) and POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER (PTSD).  These are all illnesses where anxiety runs out of control, disrupting normal daily activity.  PANIC DISORDER is when the victim feels terror, believing something horrible is about to happen at any time.  PHOBIAS are irrational fears of a particular object, person, place, or situation, while SOCIAL PHOBIA is fear of being in a social situation.  OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER is the OBSESSION, or overwhelming, constant need to do something rather like a ritual, whenever confronted with a certain situation, in order to quash the OBSESSION for the moment.  POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER, most frequent amount people who have been through or witnessed a horrifying event, is where the victim is terrified it will happen again.  All of these anxiety disorders have similar symptoms: shakiness, trembling, muscle aches, sweating, cold/clammy hands, dizziness, jitteriness, tension, fatigue, racing pulse, dry mouth, numbness, and tingling in extremities.
BIPOLAR DISORDER- Also known as "manic depression", victims experience extreme (and frequently violent) mood swings.  During frantic mania stages, they are overconfident and energetic, feeling on top of the world, overconfident, and hyperactive; they sleep much less, are easily irritated, their thoughts race, they lack good judgment, and they often take reckless behavior.  Conversely, there is devastating depression, when they can barely function at all (see DEPRESSION for other symptoms).  They are on an emotional roller coaster, never knowing what will happen next.  Bipolar disorder affects approximately 2.3 million American adults, or about 1.2 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year.  Men and women are equally likely to develop bipolar disorder.  The average age at onset for a first manic episode is the early twenties.  Almost one-third of six to twelve year old children diagnosed with major depression will develop bipolar disorders within a few years.
DEPRESSION- Depression includes MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER, DYSTHYMIC DISORDER, and BIPLOAR DISORDER (see other entry for more information).  This disease can affect the body as well as the mind.  A victim can lose interest in their favorite activities, change their behavior and attitude, neglect responsibilities, isolate themselves.  They find it difficult to find any pleasure in life, feeling sadness, extreme disappointment, confusion, and anxiety instead.  Physically, they may have aches and pains that are unrelated to health issues, be fatigued, have changes in appetite and changes in weight, changes in sleep.  Their self esteem may be low, and they may experience suicidal thoughts which sometimes develop into action.    Depressive disorders may be appearing earlier in life in people born in recent decades compared to the past.  Depressive disorders often co-occur with anxiety disorders and substance abuse.  Approximately 18.8 million American adults, or about 9.5 percent of the U.S. population age 18 and older in a given year, have a depressive disorder.  Nearly twice as many women (12.0 percent) as men (6.6 percent) are affected by a depressive disorder each year. These figures translate to 12.4 million women and 6.4 million men in the U.S.  While major depressive disorder can develop at any age, the average age at onset is the mid-twenties.
PERSONALITY DISORDERS- These are illnesses that affect one's mood, self-image, and relationships, such as ANTISOCIAL, BORDERLINE, DEPENDENT, NARCISSISTIC, PARANOID and SCHIZOID (see other sections for more information) PERSONALITY DISORDERS.  Their symptoms are: fear of abandonment; inability to keep stable relationships; impulsiveness; distorted views of others, events, and themselves; inappropriate emotional responses; poor interpersonal skills; self destructive behaviors; suicidal behavior; mood swings; intense and inappropriate anger; and a distorted view of reality.
SCHIZOPHRENIA- This disease affects how a person thinks (causing trouble concentrating and organizing thoughts), feels (causing inappropriate feelings or an inability to express feelings), acts (a lack of treatment makes it extremely difficult for a victim to function in society).  Symptoms include delusions, hallucinations, disorganized thoughts and speech, inappropriate behavior, and withdrawal.  Approximately 1.5% of the population will have an episode of schizophrenia during their lifetime.  A child with one parent who has schizophrenia has a 12 percent chance of developing it, while a child whose both parents do has a 40 percent chance of doing so.
SCHIZO-AFFECTIVE DISORDER- This illness has the symptoms of both a mood disorder (most frequently bipolar or depression) and schizophrenia.  Symptoms may include psychosis, impaired expression or interpretation of reality (such as from hallucinations), paranoid or bizarre delusions, disorganized speech and thinking.  This usually manifests in early adulthood, but has been known to appear in childhood.  It is more common in women than in men.  It is more episodic and has a more favorable prognosis than schizophrenia, while those with the bipolar variation has a better prognosis than those with the depressive variation.
DUAL DIAGNOSIS- Sometimes, a person can have a DUAL DIAGNOSIS, in which mental illness is diagnosed along with a substance abuse problem, mental retardation, or borderline intellectual functioning.

PREVALANCE
Mental disorders have been found to be relatively common, with more than one in three people in most countries reporting sufficient criteria. An estimated 22.1 percent of Americans ages 18 and older - about 1 in 5 adults - suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year. When applied to the 1998 U.S. Census residential population estimate, this figure translates to 44.3 million people. In addition, 4 of the 10 leading causes of disability in the U.S. and other developed countries are mental disorders - major depression, Bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Many people suffer from more than one mental disorder at a given time.

SUICIDE STATISTICS
-In 2006, 33,300 people died by suicide in the U.S.
-More than 90 percent of people who kill themselves have a diagnosable mental disorder, commonly a depressive disorder or a substance abuse disorder.
-The highest suicide rates in the U.S. are found in white men over age 85
-In 2006, suicide was the 7th leading cause of death for males, and the 16th for females.
-In 2006, suicide was the 3rd leading cause of death among 15 to 24 year olds

Channing Bete Scriptographic (2003). About bipolar disorder. Classic scriptography, n.p. 2003.
Channing Bete Scriptographic (2003). About borderline personality disorder. Classic scriptography, n.p. 2003.
Channing Bete Scriptographic (2003). About schizophrenia. Classic scriptography, n.p. 2003.
Channing Bete Scriptographic (2003). Dual diagnosis, what you should know. Real style scriptography, n.p. 2003.
Channing Bete Scriptographic (2003). Understanding mental illnesses. Classic scriptography, n.p. 2003.
Channing Bete Scriptographic (2003). What everyone should know about depression. Classic scriptography, n.p. 2003.
Performance Resource Press, Inc (2002). Anxiety, item #6064. Troy, Michigan. 2002.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mental_Illness
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics.shtml
http://www.meehlfoundation.org/StatisticsAboutBipolarDisorder.php

Rambling: Mental Health and Mental Wealth

I think I need to begin by mentioning the status of my mental state. I have schizo-affective disorder (rather a combination of schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder).

It all started when I was a child, approximately nine or so. I started to write allegorical stories, in which "my" family was miserable, and then "I" would kill myself, and then everyone would live happily every after. A bit of a red flag, that.

Later, in what I hope was a dream, or, if real, in an encounter with the most sadistic babysitter alive, I was given a measure of my lifeline, so to speak. We were all outside playing, sitting in the grass.

"Let's tell fortunes," she said.
She told one of the others a thing of the future. I don't remember what. It was funny, happy. We laughed. It was the same with the next child. We laughed.
Then it was my turn. She looked at me, and, in a stern yet calm voice, intoned: "You will die before your eighteenth birthday."

I don't remember what happened next, but it did affect the rest of my life. I didn't make plans to grow up. As my birthday neared, I prepared to leave. Once it passed, there was a confused relief; I had no idea what to do next.

Anyways. Backing up a bit. I made my first "suicide attempt" at age 13. What I've always told everyone- and have nearly convinced myself- is that I started taking the Tylenol, and that I just didn't realize I kept taking it until the bottle was gone. Truth is, I knew what I was doing. I took the entire bottle because I was mad at my father, and at myself (although I don't remember why), but then when I had finished, I grew scared, so I sought help. The reason I have lied about my motivation is that I did not wish to get into trouble. Feel happy. You're the first person I've ever told about that.

Years have passed. I've been on so many medications I can't remember them all, but those I do are quite a list. Currently, I'm on enough to knock out an elephant, and, although it does make me drowsy quite a bit, there aren't that many other side effects, and I can interact with my family and friends, a blessing that I know is not to be taken for granted. I have been in-patient so many times, I know the workers and schedule of my hospital at a thought. And, sadly, I can't even recall the number of times I've tried to overdose. The last is the most frightening, as each time I try, the part of my mind that gets me to kill myself gets closer and closer to getting it "right" with each try. The good news is that it's been nearly seven years (!!!) since my last serious attempt; the reason is that I was pregnant at the time (a fact we didn't know yet). They tell me that the overdose did not factor into the miscarriage of Alex a few months later, but I'm still not convinced, so, every time I think of suicide, I think that it might not be just my life I'm playing with.

Well, I imagine some out there are wanting to know my symptoms. The largest are the Voices. They routinely tell me how stupid, ugly, and worthless I am, and how much people hate me. They are they ones that try to get me to kill myself; I love life and have no desire whatsoever to die, and am very afraid the voices will bully me into dying. Also, I have low self esteem, paranoia, and a fear of crowds. While not entirely removed by the medications, they are greatly reduced.

I don't feel that bad about my illness, most of the time.  I believe that for ever bane there is a boon, for every boon a bane.  Yes, I am deranged- but I have two wonderful sons, and a husband who loves me more than anything.  Yes, I am fearful and sorrowful- but I still have a close relationship with my parents (sometimes annoyingly close).  Yes, my mental health problems may be contributing to my physical health problems- but my friends are so close they are family; they would do anything for me and I for them.